Journal entry, November 28, 2022 [names changed to protect privacy]
Today I managed to turn my whole mood around with Loop of Awareness on the hill.
I spent the whole hike up and two-thirds of the way down perseverating on why Celeste and I don’t get along, and why does my tribe throw birthday parties for each other but not for me, and why do I judge Celeste, and how come I can’t love Celeste, and why do I feel the power dynamic shifting between me and Sacha these days and and and
Almost all Victim.
Not much self-love.
Just story.
At the top of the mountain, the sun was beautiful under the orange-pink sunset clouds and I perseverated my way back down, caught in berating myself for judging myself.
When I caught that, I started Loop. Grabbed my attention by the ears and shoved its little worrywart face straight at what was happening NOW.
I listened to the ground beneath my feet, then put my attention in my feet. Switched back and forth for the last six or so minutes, and by the time I got back to the car I felt amazing and calm and so happy.
I didn’t even realize my mood had changed until I was about to pull away—and then I noticed how great I felt...and then I connected all the dots.
I have these tools.
How to Do Loop of Awareness
This process is as simple as it sounds. The aim is to oscillate your attention between what’s happening outside your body and what’s happening inside your body.
When I realized I was locked in story (another kind of loop, about events that I have no control over in this minute), I placed my attention on the world outside me. I used my eyes to look at where I was stepping, and I instructed my ears to pick up as many sounds as they could. I listened to the ground beneath my feet. The gravel under the soles of my trail shoes, the soft shooshing sound of dirt, small twigs snapping.
After about half a minute, I put my attention on what was happening inside by body, in my feet. My toes moving to balance me, the balls of my feet taking my weight, the release of that weight as it shifted to the other foot. The temperature of my feet. The feeling of my wool socks against my skin. The wall of my shoe acting as a barrier, a container of sorts.
You might be surprised at how granular your attention can get.
I kept switching my attention back and forth for the rest of my time on the trail, oscillating between awareness of the ground (what’s happening outside of me) and awareness of my feet (what’s happening inside me).
You can do Loop of Awareness anytime, anywhere.
With your breath and the way your conversation partner is breathing.
With the feeling of your tongue against your teeth and the sound of cars outside.
With the fluttering feeling in your belly and the quality of the light in the room.
This simple technique brings you back to a state of presence by focusing on what is happening right now.
It’s like meditation on the cushion, but a little more dynamic. For this reason, I find it to be more accessible and easy to do. You’re actively moving your attention from one thing to another, then back again in a circuit. You have to pay close attention to keep the circuit going, so you end up retaining greater control of your focus than you do in typical meditation. There’s less chance of your attention drifting, because you’re switching your focus at regular intervals.
The win, of course, is that your mood and your thoughts improve, because your mind can’t hold the story.
Comentarios