A friend of mine has this excellent metaphor for staying present.
It’s a sidewalk.
Here’s how it works.
Sidewalks are typically designed in large squares with a bit of space between each block so they can expand and contract as the weather warms and cools.
Imagine you’re standing on a sidewalk that’s being built one day at a time.
You’re standing in the square marked TODAY. That TODAY square represents what is happening right now in your life.
Behind you, the YESTERDAY square has already been shaped out. The concrete has been poured, and it’s hardened already. You can’t lean backwards and push your handprint into it. It’s set. Nothing you can do to change it.
I mean, you can mope and pine and wish that the YESTERDAY square looked different than it actually does. You can think about it endlessly. You can replay all the things.
But you can’t change it. Right? You just can’t go back and make it any different than it is.
Looking back over the long line of YESTERDAY blocks, you see that some of them have weird shapes. You’re not super happy with all of them them. I mean, some of them look okay, but others aren’t very tidy. Some of them have all the concrete pushed up against one side. Some of them have these big, awkward divots in them.
There’s a whole section back there that looks like a jumble of highway dividers were just tossed onto the ground.
Messy.
And you wish you could change them.
In fact, you spend quite a lot of time wishing you could change them.
How much of your day do you think you give to the YESTERDAY blocks? Take your best estimate, if you were to add all the minutes up. An hour, all told? Two? Six?
That’s energy, my friend. Wherever your attention goes, you’re giving your energy to that.
Okay, peel your attention away from all that old stuff. It’s gone, remember? You can’t change it, so let’s not get locked on it. Look around you.
The square in front of you hasn’t even been poured yet. The workers have framed it all out with wood, but there’s no concrete inside. That square is called TOMORROW. There’s nothing you can do to change or control it, either, because it hasn’t even been poured yet.
Sure, you could think about what you’ll do once it’s poured—and a lot of us do. We spend all kinds of time planning and rehearsing for what’s going to happen once the concrete is in that frame.
We worry a lot about it, too.
How much time do you think you spend focusing on that TOMORROW block? Tomorrow, next week, next year—doesn’t matter which block you’re looking at. If it’s in front of you, it’s still not real yet.
How much time in your day do you give to it?
How much sleep do you lose over it?
Now look down. The sidewalk square that you’re currently standing in is TODAY. Notice how the concrete is fresh and pliable? You can move that shit around. You can make it any shape you want to.
Careful. I said you can make it any shape you want to. If you’re not present and conscious of what you’re doing in every moment, you might end up with another block of YESTERDAY that you’re not satisfied with.
The TODAY block is the magic block. It’s the one that holds all your power. Your power to shape things, to set great intentions in motion, to help someone feel seen and safe and heard.
The TODAY block is the only one you can work with.
You can’t change what happened YESTERDAY—but you can choose how you show up TODAY so that you create a better trail behind you.
You can listen and not have to be right. You can slow down and remind yourself not to rush.
You can say I love you to your reflection in the mirror.
You can reset your nervous system by imagining you’re breathing in and out through your bellybutton.
You can watch a squirrel.
Each of these little tricks will improve your life, if you do them lots. And you have lots of time in TODAY.
You have all the time you need.
You can’t control what happens TOMORROW—but you can work with TODAY to choose the actions that will set you up well for the things you’d like to see happening in your life.
One final thought. Some people have a really tough time with this one, but it’s reality.
That whole string of YESTERDAY sidewalk blocks was created by your choices. You have no control over what comes into your life—but you have all control over how you respond.
You didn’t know it then. That’s why your long chain of YESTERDAY looks the way it does.
Okay. Don’t be mad at yourself for your jumbled YESTERDAY. You didn’t have the tools then that you have now. Hating yourself for YESTERDAY keeps you stuck in it.
Just say to yourself, I know what I can do differently now.
The only place where you have any power to respond—to your partner, to your supervisor, to life—is inside this TODAY block.
Keep your attention there.